This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
