I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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