Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
