What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have fence marks all over my body
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
