Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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