I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
