I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
