Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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