we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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