I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize