The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
