I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
