Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
