I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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