A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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