All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
