I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
