if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
