may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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