he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
