The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
