I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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