I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
so much tequila, so little girl.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
