remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
