A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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