Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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