i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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