i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
