Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
