I need to stop coming to work sober
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
