I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
