i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
