you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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