Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
