You can't special order awesome
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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