do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
