all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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