Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
