I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
