we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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