So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
