Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
