I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
