So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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