Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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