dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
