guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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