I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
