Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
