he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
