Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
