You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
