Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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