So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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