i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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