Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
