all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The adults are the big ones right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
