smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she was so not down for the gang bang
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
