I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
