i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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