I hate your face
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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