the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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