I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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