I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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