I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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