Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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