I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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