i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
