Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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