There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
