Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
