Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
