So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
