he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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