you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
