Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
