he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
