I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
