god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
