Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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