I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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